Family Family Family

So I haven't written in ages and that's partially b/c I've been so busy with family.

Family can be and usually is the death of us isn't it? We get so stressed out by them. What they say, what they do. How they are. No matter if you've changed, they still try to act like you haven't and so it's a huge cycle. Then you have family members that you would rather just disown and never see again, however there's always something that binds you to them and you can't just kick them out of your life just yet. You can count the days almost down to the very second that you can say ok I'm done I wash my hands of you and walk away. You feel like you need to take a deep breath yet can't, your chest is so tight you can't get a full breath of air in b/c you're being smothered with so much crap from those around you. Those that are suppose to be there to support you, to lift you up, to guide you and love you and help you along your journey through life. You shouldn't feel like you would be better off without them in your life. That's crazy talk right?

Come on people I know I'm not the only one who has this happen. There's those that you love to death, yet when you get around them, you just want to bop them on the head or ok, I'll be honest, club them on the head till you feel better. There are those that you would not mind not seeing for a while, but don't want to get rid of them altogether, but then there are those rare ones I think that you have to see, you have to have contact and it's like pulling teeth to be around them and everyone wonders why when you go to so and so's house or see so and so you have bald spots all over lol well if they only knew right?

So yeah things have been stressful. I've wanted to hide and cry and just run away at several points. However I can't do that and won't do that, well maybe the crying part b/c you know, a really good deep cry every now and then to cleanse the soul doesn't hurt. You know what I'm talking about, the cry where it takes a box of tissues b/c of all the snot you're blowing out your nose and sopping up the tears streaming down your face like rivers. Those I think are the best cries ever and so you go and find the saddest most heart wrenching movie (we all have one, yes even you men do and you know it) and it helps to deal with those family things, where you can't normally just bust out crying lest you want to have some drama happen more than it already is.

So I leave this post to go and do my best to have a good cry. I hope all have a good weekend wherever you are and I hope that no one is having family issues right now and if you are, just know that you are NOT alone, I'm right there with you.

25 Firsts

25 Firsts

Stealing this from Sarah

"25 Firsts"

1. Who was your first prom date? Sadly, I never had a prom date. No guys liked me enough to ask me.

2. Do you still talk to your first love? hmmm this is a hard one to answer

3. What was your first alcoholic drink? Um ok if DCF had ever seen this when I was younger my dad would soo be in jail lol. He actually let me have drinks of his daiquiris when he made them

4. What was your first job? Other than babysitting, working at a gas station that a family friend owned. I was 18. But before that I had tons and tons of babysitting jobs.

5. What was your first car? A 1994 Chevy Astro. I got it free from a family that we knew through our church. Was a pretty good van, had it up until the day before we got married when it decided to die on us. I had it a good 3 years so not too bad.

6. Who was the first person to text you today? No one text me today. I haven't been texting much lately.

7. Who was the first person you thought of this morning? Loralei, it's always Loralei

8. Who was your first grade teacher? Mrs. Little. I actually got to see her a couple years ago b/c my little sister (who is 19 years difference in age from me) had her as a teacher. Pretty cool. She actually remembered me too. Now that's a teacher lol

9. Where did you go on your first flight in a plane? I was 2 I think and it was to Wisconsin to see my grandparents.

10. Who was your first best friend and do you still talk? Nina and Dana, they were twins and no I haven't seen them since 7th grade. We didn't see each other after 1st grade, met up again in 7th, then b/c of peer pressure and crap, they decided they didn't want to be friends with me b/c I wasn't in the cool crowd.

11. Where was your first sleepover? Other than with family, I'm almost positive with Nina and Dana, we were always together.

12. Who was the first person you talked to today? Loralei

13. Whose wedding were you in for the first time? My step cousin's a long time ago, I think I was 11? I can't remember, but the dress was ugly.

14. What was the first thing you did this morning? Hmm got Loralei her inhaler and then made sausage gravy and biscuits for breakfast.

15. What was the first concert you went to? Chipmunks lol Does that count? If not then New Kids On The Block

16. First tattoo? Butterfly on inside of my left wrist, I was 28 I think

17. First piercing? Ears at 4 or 5 I think

18. First foreign country you went to? LOL Does Canada count? That's the only other country I've been to. Haven't traveled much in my life.

19. First movie you remember seeing? Follow that Bird or ET, can't remember which I saw first or was it Star Wars.I'd have to ask my Dad.

20. What state did you first live in? FLORIDA

21. Who was your first room mate? a girl named Lisa

22. When was your first detention? I think 6th grade but I forget what it was, the other time was 7th grade for supposedly cheating which I didn't do.

24. What is one thing you would learn, given the chance? Draw or paint, I have so many things I would love to draw or paint but have no talent for it.

25. Who will be the next person to post this? Hopefully all of you!

Confession #2

I can no longer watch scary/horror movies and forget the ones with blood and gore lol.

I don't know what it is, but about 7 years ago, actually maybe a little before that, whenever the first The Ring came out, after seeing that IDK, something happened and I can't watch them. Well I can watch some, as long as it's during the day and with hubby. Other than that, forget it, I'm a huge wuss. I think it's b/c I've have extremely vivid dreams and tend to dream about movies I see when I see them and I replay stuff in my mind all the time. Who knows, so I'm a big scaredy cat and can't watch scary movies lol

Confession #1

Ok so I'm thinking of doing a confession a week or whenever it hits me to do one. Like a guilty pleasure or something gross that I do or you know just something weird, and with me, you never know what might come out. So anyways, here's the first of I'm thinking many to come. Oh and feel free to post your own confessions.

Ok so even though I'm only 30, I'm seriously thinking I need depends or something. On several occassions lately, I have peed myself when I've sneezed or coughed. Yes, it's quite sad, but I do think it's not all my fault. I have a little girl who I can blame, it's all her fault, she made me do it. Seriously, when I was pregnant with her, she sat on my bladder so I think it forgot how to work without something 7 pounds sitting on it or oh hold on, wait, could it also be that I sometimes forget I have to pee and have a full bladder? Hmmm guess I'll never know will I. Anyways that's my confession for now.

Go ahead and report me

Ok so I'm going to be stepping on some toes. I've already done it on Facebook. I've got people I'm sure hiding me on there, their loss, and it's sad really.

I posted yesterday about something that happened here in Tampa, something with our Senator, Senator Kathy Castor. There was a town hall meeting and in the meeting she ended up leaving b/c people were getting loud and rowdy b/c she was basically trying to smooth everyone over about the Health Care reform, most were there to oppose it. Well she being the small person that she is, and being like the majority of the other Democrat leaders out there said that the people there who were protesting against it were not there on their own, they were part of some bigger scheme, they were part of an insurance company or drug company b/c she knows that they are against it so they got a bunch of people together and bussed them there. Not true.

Why is it is soo hard for the Democrats that approve of the health care reform to see that people are against it without calling them names or claiming something false against them? Oh and don't you just LOVE how our wonderful president has broken the law now, by asking people to report their friends,loved ones etc if they speak out against them?

People have been saying for a long time that Obama was trying to turn our country into a socialist country, Democrats/Obama supporters/ Republican haters all denied it, said that it was all a conspiracy thing and things people just were making up. Here it is 8 months into his presidency and he's already pulling a socialist act. Socialist and Communist countries are the ones that ask you to turn in your friends and your loved ones if they go against the gov't. Not democratic countries.

People, AMERICA, come on wake up and smell the coffee, Obama is trying to change our country for the worst. He's not done one single thing he's promised to do for us. He's put us in greater debt, lost more jobs, and now he's trying to make us lose our healthcare. He wants to take what we have away and not give us anything in return. He's only out for himself.

I'm seriously scared of what's going to happen in the next 3 years based on what he's done just in the 8 months he's been in office. I'm afraid to see what this country will be like when he's finished with it. I don't see a happy ending, I hope there is, but I don't see it. That is why I put all my trust and faith in God, b/c I know that He put Obama in office for a reason, some reason that as far as I can tell most other Christians are still trying to figure out and can't fathom what it could be. But there is a reason, I trust in my Savior that I will be ok, but it still doesn't make me less afraid of what our country will be like in 3 years and 4 months.

Swagbucks.com

I found out about Swagbucks.com from a blog I follow Pour Some Sugar on Me. It's really neat. You search for something and you get points/bucks and then you can take those and redeem them for stuff. How much more awesome could it be. Anyways, go check it out and let me know what you think. Oh and don't forget to check my blog down below for a challenge I've put to everyone out there.

ONE Question,Chance,Honest Answer

ONE??? Yep, well not exactly. Here's the deal, You can ask me one question and I will give you an honest answer no matter how hard it is to do or how much I don't want to for whatever reason.

Email it to me at rgumbie09@aol.com and I will answer you back asap. If you're brave you'll do the same. I dare all that read this to do it, to put yourself out there to be honest to any questions asked of you. Make sure in the title you put Blog Question so I know that it's from someone reading this and not spam.

High Anxiety

Ok so I was going to wait till later in the week to write about this but maybe writing about it will get it out and help me. Afterall that's what I started this whole thing for. To help with my thoughts and feelings.

Here goes, I'm turning 30, this coming Sunday I'm turning 30. Now you would think my anxiety would be about the age, as I have found most people don't want to leave their 20's they seem to think some weird thing is gonna happen or they're going to change into this monster that only happens when you turn 30. Who knows, I will never understand the whole thing about age. To me aging is normal,natural and beautiful. I have no qualms about getting older, I look forward to it somewhat.

No, No my anxiety is about my birthday. I try not to think about it, but it always sneaks up and slips into my thoughts. Let me just put it this way, I hate my birthday. Ever since I was little,I literally can not remember a good birthday. Something always goes wrong. One year, when I was little, actually I was 5, it started out ok, I got somewhat a surprise birthday party, my best friend at the time, her parents owned a local bar, well we went to see Follow that Bird (you know the one with Big Bird) and then went back to their bar (yes I was a 5 year old in a bar lol) while my family got things together for my party. My dad made me a Smurfette cake, you know, with those pans that you cook the cake and then decorate it, yep my dad did that and did the decorating too. I'll have to find the pic sometime. Anyways, my uncle decided to mess with the light over the table where the cake was and well the light shade came crashing down on it, destroying my cake and all the food around it. Then other years it was little things here and there but enough to make the day a bad day. Oh and one year in HS, you'll love this, we had a hurricane coming our way so everything was shut down, so we couldn't even go out eat on my birthday, now that sucked.

Growing up we didn't get big parties or anything, we were lucky to get a special meal. Which that usually consisted of our favorite meal, nothing elaborate, not that I think it should have been just explaining. Most kids have some kind of a small party, for the first 9 years of my life other than the one party when I was 5 and the other 4 before that, I didn't have a party. Then we barely had parties and if we did, I ended up doing tons of work to help get them together which meant I had to clean the whole house top to bottom and help with the food, however it was always just family, never friends as I never had any friends. We moved around so much I didn't get to make friends long enough to invite them to my parties, not to mention I don't think they would have been allowed as my mom and her husband were heavy smokers and no one wants their child around that. With my father it was a little bit better, I still didn't have friends to invite to a party, so we were given the option, the 4 of us (my sister, brother, ex step sister and myself) to go to a theme park, we had to decide as a whole where we wanted to go. Or we could have a party. If only two wanted to go and the others a party, then that's what it was.

That wasn't so bad, we would go to a park, sometime in the summer as our birthdays were in June,August and September. So we would get to go plus get either money to spend there or a present for a certain amount. I always chose the park b/c like I said I never had any friends. I eventually I was able to at 16 years old to have my first birthday party with friends. That was awesome, but yet still something happened to make it get messed up. So I tried again about 3 years later with people from my college group. That was not bad at all, probably the 2nd best out of all my birthdays. Out of now 30 birthdays, I've had from what I can remember 2 birthdays that were good.

2 years ago, on my actual birthday, we were going out to eat with my dad and a friend and my car broke down, it was raining and I had a little one in the car. On top of that, my husband decided he would try to make me think that he forgot my birthday so I didn't get a happy birthday from him till he came to pick me up while broke down.

Another year, the day before my birthday, I got pulled over and arrested falsely, yeah that one was fun. Last year other than Breaking Dawn coming out, I had massive anxiety and was stressed b/c we threw a party for my ex step sister who was going away and myself. So I was having to throw together my own party and hers as well. And I was at that point getting no sleep so it was a horrible day of me crying uncontrollably, I had to hide in my closet from Loralei b/c I didnt' want to bring her down.

So anyways, that brings me to now, my birthday now. I dont' want it to come, I don't. I just want the day to go by and nothing to happen. I want to turn 30 and that be it. Things are not better for this year so far. Things have not been great for us the last 10 months in more ways than one and part of it will affect my birthday.


Aggh ok so I took a breather and I know, I was whining up there but I need to whine, I needed to get it out. I still didn't get it all out but it's all good. I am sure this will not be a read most people will want to read but that's ok, it's not for others as much as it is for myself.

Ahh they grow soo fast.

So this week I am signing Loralei up for Girl Scouts. YAY, she is soo excited. I can't wait for her to get involved with it and have soo much fun and then camping trips YAY even better and selling oooohhh GIRL SCOUT COOKIES OMG I can't wait for those lol

Anyways, I remember the little bit of stuff from when I was in GS, I loved it, we got to go camping one time and it was awesome, no parents YAY, However, I will be very involved. Heck I was involved with my brother when he did BS, so definitely going to be very involved with Loralei doing GS. Wow, I can't beleive my little girl is going to be doing something I once did.

However I know that it's changed since I was in it (man I feel old lol) but this will be awesome for her and I can't wait to see how much she grows from it, how much she gets out of it.

So who has been a girl scout and what are your memories from it? Or if you're a guy, did you do Boy Scouts? Did you become an Eagle Scout? What were your favorite things about doing scouts guys? Oh and if you have pics of you in your uniforms that would be awesome to see

Why can't I? and laughter

Ok so I read other people's blogs and they are either deep felt, funny or just overly written well. Or you see their personality in them. Me yeah I can't seem to do that. All day or whatever I'll have tons of things i say, do or think and go oooh I should put that on my blog, then bam I get on the computer and bring up this little thingy to post and





that's what it looks like for Oh I don't know forever, till I decide to just write whatever and then it sucks, it sucks big time. Yes I started this to get thoughts out of my head but they don't seem to want to come out. UGH damn thoughts come out when I want you to.

I really am a funny person, and funny to be around. You wouldn't be able to tell by my writings on here but I am, you'll just have to take my word for it till I get to where I finally come out in my blogs. which well I wouldn't mind being anytime soon. Really I wouldn't mind it at all. I guess I need to figure out what's holding me back ,hmm that might take a while seeming as my brain isn't fully functional lately, oh well it'll happen I'm sure.


Maybe I should like have you guys give me topics and then I can either rant and rave about those or IDK, I just love writing, I love talking and if you know me in person and well on IM or on the phone then you already know that lol I use to get called Mouth of the South b/c I was always always talking and then on top of that I talk with my hands and somehow I can't talk without talking without my hands, I've tried it, my brain stops, it's like my hands are connected to my brain or my mouth or both and when I don't move my hands my brain just goes duuuhhhhhh what am I suppose to do now. Yeah anyways, so if you have a topic that you would love to see what I can do, serious or funny or neutral please please let me know. I want to do something besides post stupid mundane crap on here. I mean I know info about what's going on is good but Ugh I need to work on my writing b/c it's been ages and I miss it and I want to get better at it again. I mean after all I did take a semester of creative writing in HS and I got a B+ (I wasn't very motivated in school to actually do work all the time hence the B+ lol).

Oh and in the meantime too I'm passing on this awesome blog Barefoot Foodie that my friend Rachel passed on to another friend and we both died laughing. So go read her, go laugh your butts off and have a good day/night/whatever time it is ther while you're reading this.

So many emotions at once

Do you ever get to where you feel like 10 different emotions or what feels like 10 different emotions at once? Do you constantly have stuff running through your mind?

I do and right now it's horrible.
Though it probably doesn't help that I feel like crap.

I'm mad,annoyed, frustrated, ticked off, stressed, happy, annoyed at someone, confused, did I say frustrated oh yeah I did lol, hurt, sad, angry, and soo much more

I am annoyed by a few people, some I love dearly which sucks b/c I see them or want to see them, some I don't see often or not at all, some that I see everyday and well can't do anything about.

I'm pissed about a few things, things that have been going on for a while, things that for a long time I kept getting told was totally all in my head or I was overreacting. Now supposedly things are being seen how I have always seen them but nothing is being done.

I want to scream, I want to punch someone, I want to just go away and stay away for awhile. I want to have my own little family off in our own little world just the 3 of us. Ugh I want to be left alone yet my personality won't let me b/c I love being around people too much, communicating with people too much and well I'm nosy so that's another reason lol.

I'm hurt by those that I love b/c they choose to have others come before me others that are not family, and I'm not the only one that they are choosing to have others come before, i'm not the only family. That should help but sadly it doesn't, it makes it worse b/c it means it's getting worse with that person and how that person is.

However, with all that I'm angry,mad,pissed etc about I am happy and I'm thankful for that b/c of the reason. I have my husband and my child. They keep me somewhat sane, though some days they cause my insanity lol.

Ugh I'm gonna end this now, I'm all mixed up and this isn't helping like I thought it would.

I'm an Aunt

If you haven't already heard I'm an Aunt. Wow that is soo weird to say lol Here I am almost 30 years old and finally an Aunt. My nephew, Ethan James was born on Tuesday June 30, 2009 at 5:28 pm. My sister had quite the ordeal trying to have her little one lol. She was suppose to go into the hospital 10pm Sunday night to get the inducing process started b/c she was a week late as of the following day she was suppose to be there. Well she called the hospital and they didn't have her scheduled, they had her scheduled for TODAY lol yes today July 6th, she was due June 22 lol. So anyways, everything went as planned if not better. She was barely in labor for 12 hours when he decided to come. However he had problems breathing, which was due to swallowing some fluid when he was born. He was fine after that, then they thought he had an enlarged heart and did an x ray, well it showed it was enlarged, so they did a sono it showed it wasn't, then they did a cat scan and an ekg and both came back as him having a normal sized heart. They did figure out he had a valve that wasn't quite closed. That closed on it's own and they let him go home Friday afternoon. Then Sunday, my sister had to take him into the hospital b/c his heart was beating too fast. They had to literally stop his heart and restart it, so in a sense he died and was brought back to life by all technicalities. He is doing good now, they took him by ambulance, a special one that is basically a hospital on wheels to our childrens hospital and gave him meds. According to the Pediatric Cardiologists there they see this every couple weeks or so with new borns. Kind of scary to think that new borns have this happen so often. So anyways, if you pray please keep them in your prayers. God has really been watching out for this little boy.

I've decided my sister and I can't have normal kids, no they have to have something happen to them or have something go wrong so that they can get all kinds of extra attention lol Anyways, being an aunt is gonna be fun and cool I think. Loralei is excited. She is soo excited to have a cousin, however, Ethan coming along has prompted her to ask for a baby brother... so yeah that will be interesting to see lol as it won't be happening. She'll just have to settle for a baby cousin that's a boy, he can be like her brother lol I mean they're only almost 6 years apart so it's not too bad. I can't wait to see how she is with him, she can't wait to hold him and kiss him and touch him. She's only seen him through the glass in the nursery at the hospital. When I get pics I will post them. Oh and Kenny is finally an Uncle too, he never thought he would be one since he's an only child, but here he is, an Uncle Kenny lol.

If you are an Aunt or Uncle, post your most favorite memory with one of your nieces or nephews or the best thing about being an Aunt/Uncle to you.

I suck, OMG I really do!

Ok so I haven't written in over a month ugh, I'm a horrible blogger. I suck at it lol

Anyways, some updates, we have moved YAY, love moving, love the packing love lugging everything from one place to the other and oh yeah the best ever is unpacking, YES man it's awesome, putting things away, finding where to put things that work for you, going through stuff for a second time, b/c the first time was when you packed lol So you get rid of more stuff. Yeah love it all.

Ok if you believed that baloney up there then you must either A) Like moving or B) sick in the head for liking to do that. Other than the getting rid of stuff I hate the other. SO yeah now we're in a new place, at the very least for a couple years. We want to save up money to get our own place.

Now Kenny isn't soo sure b/c well he's not happy staying in one place. He doesn't like settling in one place for too long, but he has to deal b/c we have a child and she isn't going to get moved around and uprooted just b/c he's bored where we live. He will have to get over it. I grew up moving every two years or so till I was 14, then I moved in with my dad and stayed in the same place for over 4 years, that ladies and gentlemen is a record for me for living in a place for any length of time. Sad isn't it?

So anyways, I told him we won't be moving around after we get a place, we need our own place that we don't have to worry about a landlord or anything, that we can make choices of what we want in our home without getting permission, so Loralei can make her room her room and not have to change it all the time. Not to mention she's at the age where she's making friends that could be life long friends. I want her to have that, I didn't have that and it sucks. My sister has it, with friends she met in 7th grade, they are all still really strong friends, even after all these years. It sucks not to be able to say oh yeah I've known so and so for this long and we're the best of friends we're inseperable. I have friends from HS and even JH and a couple from elementary school but I'm not close to any of them. We keep in touch, sorta, but that's it. I want Loralei to have what I didn't, isn't that what we all want for our kids? To have the things we never had or got to have for one reason or another? I've already seen how us moving in the last couple years has affected her, it's hard on her and I don't want that for her anymore. So this was our second to last move, the next one WILL be to a permanent place at least for the next 5 to 10 years or so if not longer.

So we are in the process of unpacking and getting settled. Once we do I will take pics of our new place and of our backyard, that's the best part, Loralei has a backyard to play in and we get to do a garden. YAY

Also I'm giong to try to blog more. I have soo much I want to blog about but don't ever do it.

Flip Flops and Me

Ok so I have to come out, some of you know it and some would say but duh it's obvious, you live in Florida. Well actually if you look around there are a lot of people here who wear tennis shoes or heels too so it's not quite so obvious lol. So Anyways, here it is, I'm beyond addicted to Flip Flops, I love love love Flip Flops, I comment to people about their flip flops, I'm always looking at flip flops, I have two key chains on my keys and both are yep you guessed it, flip flops, one needs to seriously go, but I can't part with it. I have flip flop magnets, my mom even got me flip flop candle holders for outside and inside. I just love flip flops, not just wearing them but the cute stuff that they come on and in, oh and I have a little notepad that is a flip flop with paper feet lol

Anyways just had to get that off my chest lol Oh and I have about 20 pairs of flip flops, my sister got me my favorite pair that I wear all the time for my birthday last year. I just LOVE LOVE LOVE Flip Flops. Oh and did I mention I wear them year round? I can't stand tennis shoes, other than for the gym, I dont' wear them, and then after I'm done at the gym, the minute I get into the car, the shoes come off and the flip flops go on. This is one thing I never want to get help for, it's a healthy obsession, just the right amount of obsession right? Shake your head yes lol

Something Every Girl Needs, especially Me!

Ok you know how you have those shirts that miraculously somehow shrink and are too short? (we really know what happens but we'll blame it on the washing and drying of it lol) And you know how you just love that shirt and you don't want to get rid of it? Well now you don't have to. There is a new thing that is out called the the Hip T that helps take care of that.

I soo am getting one of these, even with losing inches/weight, some of my shirts are a little too short so I need this to help with that and it looks good. Just go look over at Pour Some Sugar on Me, she has a blog about it and she is giving one away. So go check her out, you can either click on the link in here the button to the right. She has a picture of her wearing one and you can't even tell it's not a shirt underneath the other one.

Even if I don't win one, I will be buying one. Esp for working out, and I bet it makes you look a little slimmer too lol

Rain Rain Don't Go Away

I just have to say I am loving our weather right now.

IT"S POURING DOWN RAIN!! Oh and Lightning and Thundering too. The fact that there are tornadoes nearby is no biggie lol. I am just loving this. I love love love thunderstorms with a passion,AS LONG as they don't make the electricity go out, then I get annoyed. Other than that bring them on. I sleep soo good when we have thunderstorms, I love listening to the thunder and the rain just pouring down.

I can't wait for the summer for it to rain like this at least 2 or 3 times a week. Yeah it's annoying sometimes b/c it interferes with daily life but sometimes it's nice, esp when we have hot hot days like we have had the last few weeks. We really really need the rain, we are literally in a drought, our city doesn't have enough water to supply us and are actually thinking of using reclaimed water, YUCK!!!!! How disgusting, they can keep their reclaimed water, I'll fill up a landfill drinking my bottled water thank you very much.

I'm Still ALive

Man it's been ages. I keep meaning to come and update about what's going on in my life, but I forget or I get busy doing other things.

Things are ok, hectic, but ok. A lot's been going on. Went to the Dr, have to have surgery on my right knee, he wants to do a scope and fix whatever is messed up. Yeah not looking forward to that at all, being laid up, NOT my idea of fun by any stretch of the imagination. So that is suppose to happen in June but it's looking more like July with K's schedule and whatnot. So I will let you know (I promise I will) when it's going to happen.

Hmm what else, oh yeah K and I have been going to the gym and working out, he more so b/c I've been not feeling well lately but I love it and he does too and he has already lost quite a bit. I've lost 4 inches total (last measuring) and he lost 9 inches total last measuring, we'll measure tonight and see where he's at.

The summer heat has hit us and it's miserable, it sucks. it's almost impossible to go out and do anything and forget a/c in the car, it's too dang hot to contend with, by the time it starts cooling off if it does at all, you're already where you were going and it starts all over.

Oh and the darn love bugs are out, if you're never dealt with them OMG they are a PITA. Serioulsy they are, they also like to take the paint off your car if you don't get them off right away and you dont' wax your car.

I'm not feeling good so I think that's it for now. Just wanted to update since I've been told I never update which is true lol. I will come back again soon with more when I'm more coherent in my head and not all rambling.

So Proud of myself!

I know I shouldn't be so boastful and proud but I am. For finally doing somethings I've needed to do for myself for a long time. I'm going to Drs to get myself taken care of, to see what all is really wrong with me and what's not. I have now seen a physician and had a physical, which everything is fine, the bloodwork came back good except for my thyroid which I went and gave more blood for that Friday so I should find out what's going on with that very soon, but had I not gone, I wouldn't have found out. Some of you know Loralei killed my knee a few weeks ago and it's been hurting like crazy almost everyday and some days are better than others. So I finally called and I'm going to see and ortho next week. Next on the list is the dentist (NOT looking forward to that) and my jaw and my back. So eventually I will be getting all that I need done. I have put it off long enough, but I"m proud of myself for getting it going, going to Drs and getting myself taken care of. So anyways, that's what's going on with me.

I'll update about the thyroid and my knee as I get info on each and anything else I go to the Dr about.

An Interview with a 5 year old!

I stole this from my friend (Thanks Rach, it was fun doing this with her), she has a toddler, but mine is a 5 year old, but I'm sure any age will work. Maybe when she turns 6 I'll do it again and see if the answers change.



1. What is something mommy always says to you?
Go to your room

2. What makes mommy happy?
Flowers and chocolate

3. What makes mommy sad?
me doing something I'm not suppose to do

4. How does your mommy make you laugh?
tickle my belly

5. What was your mommy like as a child?
I wasn't born when you were a little girl

6. How old is your mommy?
I don't remember, um 100 (I then asked her for confirmation if she really thought I was 100, she then upped it and goes 200? 300? Thanks a lot)

7. How tall is your mommy?
40ft

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
go to the mall and go shopping and get me some summer clothes

9. What does your mommy do when you're not around?
go hang out with your friends

10. If your mommy becomes famous, what will it be for?
Dancing (um where she got this idea I have no clue as I can't dance for anything)

11. What is your mommy really good at?
making brownies, I really love your brownies mommy, you make the best brownies ever

12. What is your mommy not very good at?
ok so she actually thought about this, I mean really thought about it and then goes I can't think of something you're not good at (talk about an ego booster)

13. What does your mommy do for a job?
being the best mom (I swear I didn't get her to say that)

14.What is your mommy's favorite food?
Chicken

15.What makes you proud of your mommy?
helping daddy feel better

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
ok so this is one we had to come back to b/c she couldn't think of anyone then she thought of someone Pinky Dinky Doo

17. What do you and your mommy do together?
go to the park together

18. How are you and your mommy the same?
um we have black pants

19. How are you and your mommy different?
we don't wear black pants and the same shirt

20. How do you know your mommy loves you?
when I'm sick you bring me something to eat and take care of me and you give me big hugs

21. What does your mommy like most about your dad?
I don't know

22. Where is your mommy's favorite place to go?
Target (my girl knows me lol )

Wow what craziness!

So it seems like I'm always at the Drs ofice lately for one of us. It's crazy. Anyways, I think, don't hold me to it, but I think we're all finally feeling better. So visits for being sick are over THANK GOD!!!!

However, now I will be driving over an hour this week to take Loralei to see a child psychiatrist. I am NOT complaining by any means whatsoever. I'm actually looking forward to this, finally to get some help with my daughter, to find out what's truly going on within that mind of hers. I feel like it's a day of I don't know what but I can just see me have this big sigh of relief after talking to the Dr and finding out what's going on. I can't do what we've been doing without help and support anymore. So this is a huge step and something I can't wait to have done.

I finally found a Dr for me, now I can stop being yelled at by friends and loved ones about going to a Dr, b/c now I have no excuse. I've met her once but I loved how she was and felt so comfortable, and a plus is she's a DO, which is what I wanted. So I am going to have a physical, however, I realized the other day that I have my appointment and Loralei's Pulmonary Specialist appointment set for the same day and oh yeah only 15 mins apart so I have to call tomorrow to reschedule. No biggie. Oh and at her appointment, they will be using her as a pin cushion to do an allergy test. Hopefully she's not as bad as her mama.

I'm doing good overall so I can't complain, tired but that's it.

Oh I have to share something with you that I found hilarious and if you know me, which if you're reading this you most likely do, but the other night I was trying to get Loralei to tell my dad where she was going this coming week (the shrink). Here's how the Convo went.

Me: Tell Grampa where you're going next week.
L: Ummmm I don't know! (as she's trying to figure out what she wants from the snack bar at the movies, yeah not a good place to get her to think lol)
Me: The Dr remember?!
L: Grampa I'm going to the Dr. Mommy what am I going to the Dr for again?
Me: to see what's going on inside that brain of yours!
L: (innocent, no sarcasm) I don't have a mind!

Wow, yeah she's definitely my child, already admitting to her not having a mind, she's lost it early poor thing. I need to start writing down things she says, b/c she has had some whoppers before.

Oh and since all of my friends are doing it and I haven't in a long while I have decided that I'm going to make Loralei another quilt. I'm going to let her pick out the fabric and maybe let her help me, teach her to sew. I will keep that updated, I'm quite excited b/c I haven't sewn anything in wow, almost 6 months, it's a pain b/c I have to take my sewing machine out and put it up and take it out and it's a pain in the butt to do. So I will make a spot that I can leave it out and not have to do the back and forth thing, so pictures will come as I start out, and I think I'm going to photojournal the whole process even of her picking out the material and whatnot. That would be kind of fun for her, to see the process that she was involved in.

Ok so I think I'm done, that's a lot of catching up in one post and I'm sure overwhelming, I won't wait so long to update from now on b/c I know I've forgotten some stuff and well that sucks but oh well. Life goes on. Hope everyone had a Happy Valentines Day and now we get to look forward to St Patty's Day, Yummy, bring on the cornedbeef and cabbage and potatoes.

Craziness here!

Ok so I'm still sick, turns out I have bronchitis, YAY me (claps hands and this is all done in London Tipton style lol). So I'm all hopped up on drugs YAY me again lol The best is when I have withdrawls everyday, about 14 hours after taking my cough medicine. Yeah my body has decided it likes to do the extremes and so when my body doesn't have the lovely wonderful hydrocodone in it, it wants to start shaking and making me feel just wonderfully sick. The coughing is still here but it's getting better. I finally found a good Dr, so those that yell at me about going to the Dr can now stop, I will be going to the Dr like a good little girl when something is wrong. Loralei is still sick, the blood tests for Pertussis came back negative. So we'll see what happnes after her meds are all done which should be today, yeah today is the 10th day of antibiotics for her. She'll be happy about that. So life has been crazy with just the two of us being sick. So you would think that was enough right? WRONG!!!

Kenny is going in in exactly 5.5 hours from now to have minor surgery, I'll spare you the details but yeah so he'll be recouping from that for the next few days and I should really be in bed b/c we have to leave here at 6am which means we have to be up at 5:30am. I'm going to be dead dead dead. Oh well, life will go on, not like I haven't survived on less sleep. So anyways, that's it for now, I have more stuff but I'm going to attempt to go to sleep and get at least a couple hours. I will update you on his surgery later on when we get home. Oh and I have some news about a friends son, my Godson and she needs all the prayers and thoughts she can get. That will come later on though.

Groundhog Day

Tomorrow is my anniversary like I already posted but it's also Groundhog day, it's the day we find out if we have more winter or not. So I'm posting a poll to see who thinks that they Groundhog will see his shadow or not, so go and vote and let me know what you think!!!! Let's see who the winners are, so comment on my blog what you chose. Have you ever been right before?

7 years!

7 years ago, I stood before a man, a man I loved, a man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We stood before our family and friends, a pastor and God. We vowed to each other to love one another, through sickness and health, good times and bad, and to be there for each other no matter what. 7 years ago, it seems like a long time, yet it seems like yesterday. I still love that man, I love him even more, I could never put into words the love that I have for him. It's too strong, its too much (if there is such a thing), it's just right. It hurts to love him, it feels like my heart is going to jump out of my chest b/c there isn't enough room to hold the love I feel for him. 7 years later of marriage and I still get butterflies when I think about him. I get giddy like a teenage girl with her first crush. When he holds me everything feels right, when he says I love you, I melt and have a smile a mile wide.

Through everything that has happened in the 7 years we've been married, we are strong and still going. He is the love of my life, my best friend, my lover, my everything. Our relationship is like no other that I have seen nor been in. I would be lost without him and couldn't imagine not growing old with him. I can't wait to see what another 7 years brings, what God has in store for us. I look forward to growing old and senile with him. I'm thankful to God and blessed for him being in my life. So 7 years ago tomorrow, will be the anniversary of the day that I took the man that I love as my husband, my soul mate, my lover, as the man that God intended him to be for me. I cherish the time we have had and will have. It will never be enough but I'm thankful for what I get. Happy Anniversary baby, I love you!

Dude Twilight and all that good stuff

So yeah DUDE, that's a word I picked up thanks to my wonderful friends that I talk to. Now, my daughter has been saying it, it's AWESOME lol HA yes I rub off on her, hey it's not a bad word so no one can complain. Oh yeah and K is starting to say it some too, he catches himself though lol I'm so evil. So I had to share that b/c I just find it funny and cool and just well neato lol.


So Twilight, well we went and saw it again (again for me, first for K and L) at the drive in (yes we still have them here) and I was shocked, K loved it, L loved it too but she was so tired she didn't see the ending that's ok b/c it comes out in 2 months and you better believe I will have it in my hands the day that it is released, no ifs ands or buts about it . Then I will proceed to come home and watch it with Loralei. I'm not crazy about it, but I do have to say, watching it a second time is a little bit better, kind of like rereading New Moon, except I skip half the book each time I read it (if you've read it you know why, if not READ THE WHOLE THING). Anyways so yeah he loved the movie and now wants to read the book. Some of you might be going yeah so, he wants to read a book b/c of a movie. Yeah well in the 9 years I've been with him, he has yet to read a book for pleasure, he reads, just not books. Esp not fiction books, not that he has anything against them, he just doesn't enjoy it like I do. However, he wants to read this so I'm soo stoked and can't wait.

Onto other stuff, I am now in the process of coughing my head off and attempting to lose a lung, yeah I don't think I need to lungs, people get by on one lung all the time right? So see no biggie lol. Yeah thanks to our lovely weather that wants to play havoc with my body, I am now coughing and congested in my upper chest and kind of stuffy. Thanks weather, thanks sinuses, thanks stupid body of mine. Oh well I'll live, I think. Oh and L's kind of doing better but not too much, she's still coughing like crazy oh and we should find out the results of the blood test (yeah I know I didn't blog about it, I will later lol) tomorrow.

Oh and though it's not still her birthday here in my time zone it is in hers so I have to send a shout out to my wonderful friend (probably my youngest friend lol :P) Lesslie Lamphere, love her to death, she is a great woman and mom and wife and she just adopted the cutest little puppy named Eve (pronounced Eva) and I just want to wish her a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! So if you want to say Happy Birthday even if it's belated, she's a follower of my blog, hers is Two Little Lampheres, go say hi even if you don't know her, she's soo worth it. Hope you had a great day Less!

Hmm I almost forgot one other thing. I got a new phone today YAY, an iPhone, I've wanted one for a while and hubby and I decided that we were sick of dealing with our other phones and the company we were with that we would just go ahead and get the iPhones and they are our presents to ourselves/each other for our 7th anniversary. Not bad if I do say so myself. Now I get to play with a new toy LOL I love new toys. Esp since it doesn't come with a manual, I have to figure out everything on my own. Hey it's like a mystery I have to solve, FUN! So anyways, that's it I think hmmm yeah I think so. Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Cloudy!

My head is cloudy today. A conversation or I should say conversations took place last night and my emotions and thoughts were all over the place. So now my head is cloudy, I'm not sure what is up and what is down. I hate when things happen and you can't take them back and you can't fix them and you can't change them and people get hurt and people are forever changed b/c of something. It's not fair to them it's not fair to you it's not fair period. Sometimes I wish I didn't let my emotions get the best of me but I do. I have yet to learn how to control them, to keep them from getting away. I think that is my biggest fault by far. That and I care too much about others, yes I think there is such a thing. Oh and over thinking is the other that is right up there with it. So two things that can get me into trouble and have gotten me into trouble or into places that I didn't want to be. I wish I could be like some people and control what I feel but I can't, not as much as I would like. I feel too deeply even for friends.

My friends online, even though I haven't met them or most of them, we have formed a friendship and I would be very upset to lose them. Some I have lost and it hurts, b/c when you're online, it's all about putting yourself out there, especially when you are completely and totally honest with them. It makes you vulnerable, raw, easy to get hurt by small things and even more so by big things. There are a few people that I have opened myself up to and some I wish I hadn't b/c I have been hurt. But that's life, I can't live life thinking every person I open up to is going to hurt me. That's just stupid. So anyways, today I am cloudy and in my own little world I guess you can say. My mind is over thinking and my emotions are over feeling. So anyways that's me, in a nutshell for today. Forecast I hope is clearer for tomorrow.

Valentines Day Poll

Next month is Valentines Day so I posted a Poll to see what you think are the best gifts to give or get. If you vote, could you put whether you voted as the receipt or the giver? I'm curious to see what everyone thinks is the best for getting and giving. You can do it anonymous if you want.

Cold and Florida Really?

Those are not usually two words that go together. Yes it does get cold here and people don't usually think it's cold, they do the sarcastic What 60 Degrees is cold? Hmm well last night it got way down below freezing, yep that's right, here in Tampa, it got below 32 degrees. Tell me that's not cold, especially for here in FL. I went out this morning when it was 25 degrees to grab my camera just so I could get pictures b/c there was ice on everyone's car. I know I know, that's nothing, but remember where I'm at? That's not something you see all the time. It sucks we got the freezing weather without the snow, how is that even fair? Anyways, it's suppose to get down to 30 tonight but I'm betting it gets colder than that. Oh and then yay for us, it shoots back up to warm and then I guranatee it will shoot back down and we'll be freezing again. This weather is just beyond wacky and freaky, it's annoying and needs to make up it's mind what season it wants to be in. It's nice though I will say to have a change from it being just plain ol hot and humid to cold and humid lol. So here's a pic I took, I tried to take more but um a certain little girl who shall remain nameless lol has been playing with my camera and ran my battery down so all I managed was one picture b/c it shut itself off.

9 Years and counting

9 years ago today, Kenny and I decided to date. I would have to say that it was one of the best days of my life. Not b/c of some great thing that happened that day but b/c it was the start of our life together, it was the beginning of our journey, a long hard,fun,sometimes easy, exciting journey. We have had so many ups and downs and gone through so much yet we're always there for each other. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone in my life this way. We have seen deaths, friendships come and go, heartache with each other, we have not had a perfect relationship but it's been perfect for us. God has blessed us with each other and I'm so thankful that he's my husband, my soulmate, my best friend lover, confident everything that I need and want and so much more. The one I get to spend the rest of my life with. We really were meant for each other. Our relationship is like none other that I have come across. We have changed a lot in the last 9 years but I think for the best. In about 2 weeks we will be celebrating our 7 year wedding anniversary. It's hard to think that for almost a decade I've been with one person and one person has been able to tolerate me and who I am lol.

I am not an easy person but he loves me despite that. He knew what he was getting into with me and still loved me. He has helped change me in so many ways that I needed to change, he's been there for me, he's listen to me moan and groan about things and been happy for me when I was happy about something even though he could care less (achem Twilight lol) He's been my rock and he's been my greatest support in my life in the last 9 years. I thank God for him everyday and can't wait tosee what the next 9,18, 30 years bring for us as a couple. So baby Happy 9 year anniversary of being together. I love you tons and could never love another like I love you.

E Day Feb 19

Feb 19 was just scheduled for me to take L to get evaluated. We will then find out what's going on with her and why she has been the way she has. To see if my gut feeling is right (which I soo hope it's not, this is the one time I want to be wrong about my parenting intuition) or to see if I'm completely off. Either way we will finally find out what's going on. Just having the appointment is such a weight lifted off of me. I have a few friends who can understand that feeling and wow, it's amazing how much lighter you feel but at the same time I'm feeling all the emotions that I've suppressed for so long with this whole thing. The thoughts in my mind are going rampant and wow it's like a flood gate has been opened. So anyways, we will finally get to have something done or get somewhere other than where we are now.

So I am going to call Feb 19 E Day for Evaluation Day lol. Silly corny I don't care, you have no idea how much this means to me to have some help finally. To be able to not be in the dark about where my little girl has gone and what is going on in that noggin of hers. Maybe life can get back to some normalcy (yeah right who am I kidding it was never normal to begin with). I think I just might start a countdown ticker or would that be in bad taste? LOL I am truly excited you just have no idea but I'm also anxious to get it done and find out what's going on. Ahhh all these emotions all at once. I am going to need to see someone if this keeps happening.

Polls, let me know what you think, me being nosy what else is new!

So I'm doing something a little different now, I've added a poll and will do a new one every week or maybe sooner, depends on how often people vote. If you have any suggestions you can send them to me and I'll put them up. I think it's fun to see what people like or don't like or what their thoughts are and it's anonymous too. So go vote, I started off with something easy and common and yummy this week. If you think it's stupid please tell me. If you think it's ok tell me, and if you like it tell me. And please go and place your vote :) I'm nosy and curious as always lol

Secrets

We all have them, some small some big. I have become over the year or so, when I first came across PostSecret, obsessed with secrets. Beyond obsessed. I love hearing people's secrets, it's amazing the kinds of secrets that people have. Some I have had myself in the past and to see that someone else has it or has had it makes you feel somewhat normal that you yourself had it and it's not so odd to have that secret. I frequent PostSecret and another site textsecret all the time. PostSecret even has a Myspace and Facebook page so I get extra secrets there too. I have put my number on both so that people can text me their secrets and I have gotten secrets and told them mine. I have met a couple of people through it and we still keep in touch through texting which is pretty neat. I've recently received a text from someone in London which was really cool that they would text someone so far away to tell them their secret.

It's very liberating to tell a stranger a secret that you don't feel you could tell anyone else, so even if you don't want to put your number on one of the places, you can always choose someone and send out your secret. I do encourage you to tell someone b/c it does help. And go read some of the secrets out there, they will change you and some will tug at your heart. Frank Warren is awesome for coming up with this idea and putting it out there for everyone to see and be a part of.

This week couldn't be over sooner! (yes I changed the name lol)

I'm soo dang glad this week is over. It didn't start off good and it isn't ending good. I am glad today is Sunday, hopefully nothing goes wrong today. I just want to crawl into a cave, a hole somewhere and hide. If this week is any indication of how my year is going to be then I'm done, the year is over for me, lock me up and throw away the key, ok I know melodramatic but seriously I"m over it all ready. Between the stress and the crying and the frustration and the hurting and just feeling every single feeling all at once I'm done. I didn't know a person was capable of feeling so much at one time. I felt like I was going to implode,explode whatever, I was going to do something and it wasn't going to be a pretty sight. So yeah Sunday, the last day of the week and I swear if anything happens I'm gonna scream. I really am. So if you hear someone screaming, know it's me and know that something happened. I just want good thing to happen today. I have an idea of what I want to happen but know it won't but I can always dream right? Someone out there can possibly make my dream true I'm sure, but you'll never know what it is lol If you can figure it out and do it then you are just freaking awesome and would make me one happy person


UPDATE!!!!
Today I would have to say is the best day out of the whole week. It wasn't stress free but it wasn't stressful either. So the end of my week is ok. Lets see how next week goes!!

Quiz/Survey!!!

This is something I found on my blog from MySpace from over a year ago. Put your name in the comments and I'll Edit this Post to answer for whoever puts their name down.

Okay, so just post your name and I'll take over from there following the steps below:

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song or movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle you in. (Don't ask... it was just in the list)
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.

A word that can heal!

SORRY!!

That one word in my opinion has soo much power. It can do a lot of good. It can heal someones heart,feelings, state of mind. It's not the cure all but it does do a lot of good for someone. It's also a word that is used very flippantly. I am guilty of this, I apologize for soo much that I sometimes wonder if I use it with someone are they going to take it the way that I mean it. We teach our kids at a young age to say sorry, we use it when we bump into someone to appease them (which just goes to show that it does work even for minor things). We use it when someone is down and we want to convey to them that we are sorry for what they are going through. It's got many meanings and many uses but I have found that no matter what, when it's needed most it is the word that works the best.

No matter what it is, sometimes it's the only word that ever needs to be spoken, the only word someone needs to hear. No explanation and no drawn out speech. Just SORRY or I'm Sorry or some form of it. It's amazing how such a simple word that we use day in and day out can heal a broken heart, hurt feelings, hurt ego, hurt relationships. How many times in our marriages or other relationships do we have a hard time saying it? We want theo ther person to say it before us, it's not our fault, it's not up to us, but sometimes it is up to us, sometimes it's up to us to take that first step. Even if it's later on, someone needs to step up and say it, otherwise the healing can't begin.

Other than using it like I casually do sometimes I have had to use it many times with people and it has helped me recently and in the past to heal. Some it took a while to hear it from someone, and some I got it right away.Some I would love to hear it b/c I know that it will help. As long as it's meant and not just said to say. Even if someone doesn't fully know why or remember why they are saying sorry, sometimes it still helps. So yeah that's my whole thought on the word and the meaning. So if you feel like you need to tell someone sorry for something that you did to them, I say go and say it, it might just be the thing that they need to hear at that time.

When was the last time you had to say you're sorry? The last time someone said it to you? Did it help at all or was it just words out of their mouth?

Update on L

So I took her to the Dr. they had me get her sinuses x rayed and they are clear. What does that mean? It means that she doesn't have a sinus infection. However he wants or the nurse wants to put her on a week of antibiotics (if any bacteria are still alive after this week I'm gonna be shocked) and for us to come back next week to see him. I'm so over going to Drs. It's annoying. So keep your fingers crossed or pray that this helps and her cough is gone. I'm tired of telling people what she is on and what she is doing and blah blah blah. So lets recap. We're going on week 4 of her having this darn cough. It's gotten better but not completely and with all that she has done, it should be gone. She's been doing her breathing treatments 4 times a day minimum. She's been on steroids and an antibiotic and now she has a cough syrup with codeine and she's gonna be on another antibiotic. Seriously that's alot of meds in 3 weeks time in my opinion. So I hope we can get it taken care of.

As for other news, some of you know that I believe without a shadow of a doubt that L is bipolar. Well I talked to her Dr and he gave me names of pediatric psychatrist that will work with kids her age. I'm so over hearing we wont' touch a child till they are 8. I can't wait 3 more years for her to get help. It's gotten bad. I haven't really told many of you but it's gotten really violent. Wed night after church was the worst. K has got the scars or I should say scratch to prove it. I've got the bruise from her biting me and luckily she's got nothing from her almost jumping out of my arms and hitting her head on the concrete sidewalk as I was carrying her out the door. She needs help, I can't do it anymore I'm done with trying. Its beyond any kind of behavioral modification. She needs some serious help. So I'm going to get that for her, if she's not bipolar then we'll find out what is going on at least. We will/should have an appointment in Feb b/c they aren't taking new patients till then. So keep your fingers crossed and pray for us to get in there as soon as possible.

So over this! They better do something!

So once again for the 3rd week in a row, I'm having to take Loralei back to the Dr. Let's see, we've been doing the breathing treatments and then steroids and then an antibiotic. I was told that if she wasn't better by Tues to bring her in. I'm so tired of my poor child having to deal with coughing non stop and losing sleep because of it. So I will be taking her to the Dr for the 3rd time. I hope and pray that they find something. I think today they will be doing a chest x ray.Ugh lets see what happens. One more week of lets try this and see and I'm gonna scream, we're going on a month in a couple days.

Losing Friends

I hate losing friends. Friends that you can open and honest with. Friends that mean a lot to you. I've recently lost a friend and it sucks. It feels like you've lost a part of you. I wish that I could work things out with this friend and that things could be better down the road but I know it will never happen. Things ended quickly and we didn't get to discuss anything. I have so many questions that will go unanswered but that's life. We all lose someone at one point or another. I've lost many friends over my lifetime. With how I grew up and moved all the time, I've lost many. Some have come back into my life some I doubt will ever come back into my life. Some I will miss dearly and not be able to keep promises I made to them (which I think they already knew what I was promising was true already and it is, just took me losing them to really realize it) , some I will not miss, some I hardly remember anything about them. But people come into our lives for a reason, to make us see things about ourselves or to make us see things about others in our lives. The person I lost made me see a lot about myself and made me open myself up more to who I am. I thank that person for the friendship and hope that life turns out ok, that things can be taken care of with time. I hope that they can more than anything. It's amazing how much love you can have for people and how much you can miss them. Life moves on, but you are forever changed. One day, I hope to be in contact with this friend after things smooth over but I doubt that will happen like I said. I love the friendships I've made over the years and even recently. I've gotten to know some wonderful people and wouldn't change anything (ok so maybe a few things that resulted in the end of the friendships) about any of them. They made me who I am as well as the rest of the people in my life.

UGH

Yes if you know me, you know I use that word a lot lol and THAT is how I am feeling right now. I feel like total and utter crap. Physically, emotionally and mentally (ok mentally well that's just not a new one lol) I hate days when I feel like this it just sucks. I hate feeling like crap. I feel lazy and uninspired to do anything and I want to be productive. I want to be well somewhat normal (b/c we all know I will NEVER be normal) and be able to just do things. I'm going to give myself some me time today. I decided I need me time. I've needed me time. So I'm going to do it, it's nothing special but it's time without a child. So I'm headed out. Fun here I come, well for me anyways, I love sitting in a bookstore reading and hanging out with good friends.