Cloudy!

My head is cloudy today. A conversation or I should say conversations took place last night and my emotions and thoughts were all over the place. So now my head is cloudy, I'm not sure what is up and what is down. I hate when things happen and you can't take them back and you can't fix them and you can't change them and people get hurt and people are forever changed b/c of something. It's not fair to them it's not fair to you it's not fair period. Sometimes I wish I didn't let my emotions get the best of me but I do. I have yet to learn how to control them, to keep them from getting away. I think that is my biggest fault by far. That and I care too much about others, yes I think there is such a thing. Oh and over thinking is the other that is right up there with it. So two things that can get me into trouble and have gotten me into trouble or into places that I didn't want to be. I wish I could be like some people and control what I feel but I can't, not as much as I would like. I feel too deeply even for friends.

My friends online, even though I haven't met them or most of them, we have formed a friendship and I would be very upset to lose them. Some I have lost and it hurts, b/c when you're online, it's all about putting yourself out there, especially when you are completely and totally honest with them. It makes you vulnerable, raw, easy to get hurt by small things and even more so by big things. There are a few people that I have opened myself up to and some I wish I hadn't b/c I have been hurt. But that's life, I can't live life thinking every person I open up to is going to hurt me. That's just stupid. So anyways, today I am cloudy and in my own little world I guess you can say. My mind is over thinking and my emotions are over feeling. So anyways that's me, in a nutshell for today. Forecast I hope is clearer for tomorrow.

Valentines Day Poll

Next month is Valentines Day so I posted a Poll to see what you think are the best gifts to give or get. If you vote, could you put whether you voted as the receipt or the giver? I'm curious to see what everyone thinks is the best for getting and giving. You can do it anonymous if you want.

Cold and Florida Really?

Those are not usually two words that go together. Yes it does get cold here and people don't usually think it's cold, they do the sarcastic What 60 Degrees is cold? Hmm well last night it got way down below freezing, yep that's right, here in Tampa, it got below 32 degrees. Tell me that's not cold, especially for here in FL. I went out this morning when it was 25 degrees to grab my camera just so I could get pictures b/c there was ice on everyone's car. I know I know, that's nothing, but remember where I'm at? That's not something you see all the time. It sucks we got the freezing weather without the snow, how is that even fair? Anyways, it's suppose to get down to 30 tonight but I'm betting it gets colder than that. Oh and then yay for us, it shoots back up to warm and then I guranatee it will shoot back down and we'll be freezing again. This weather is just beyond wacky and freaky, it's annoying and needs to make up it's mind what season it wants to be in. It's nice though I will say to have a change from it being just plain ol hot and humid to cold and humid lol. So here's a pic I took, I tried to take more but um a certain little girl who shall remain nameless lol has been playing with my camera and ran my battery down so all I managed was one picture b/c it shut itself off.

9 Years and counting

9 years ago today, Kenny and I decided to date. I would have to say that it was one of the best days of my life. Not b/c of some great thing that happened that day but b/c it was the start of our life together, it was the beginning of our journey, a long hard,fun,sometimes easy, exciting journey. We have had so many ups and downs and gone through so much yet we're always there for each other. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone in my life this way. We have seen deaths, friendships come and go, heartache with each other, we have not had a perfect relationship but it's been perfect for us. God has blessed us with each other and I'm so thankful that he's my husband, my soulmate, my best friend lover, confident everything that I need and want and so much more. The one I get to spend the rest of my life with. We really were meant for each other. Our relationship is like none other that I have come across. We have changed a lot in the last 9 years but I think for the best. In about 2 weeks we will be celebrating our 7 year wedding anniversary. It's hard to think that for almost a decade I've been with one person and one person has been able to tolerate me and who I am lol.

I am not an easy person but he loves me despite that. He knew what he was getting into with me and still loved me. He has helped change me in so many ways that I needed to change, he's been there for me, he's listen to me moan and groan about things and been happy for me when I was happy about something even though he could care less (achem Twilight lol) He's been my rock and he's been my greatest support in my life in the last 9 years. I thank God for him everyday and can't wait tosee what the next 9,18, 30 years bring for us as a couple. So baby Happy 9 year anniversary of being together. I love you tons and could never love another like I love you.

E Day Feb 19

Feb 19 was just scheduled for me to take L to get evaluated. We will then find out what's going on with her and why she has been the way she has. To see if my gut feeling is right (which I soo hope it's not, this is the one time I want to be wrong about my parenting intuition) or to see if I'm completely off. Either way we will finally find out what's going on. Just having the appointment is such a weight lifted off of me. I have a few friends who can understand that feeling and wow, it's amazing how much lighter you feel but at the same time I'm feeling all the emotions that I've suppressed for so long with this whole thing. The thoughts in my mind are going rampant and wow it's like a flood gate has been opened. So anyways, we will finally get to have something done or get somewhere other than where we are now.

So I am going to call Feb 19 E Day for Evaluation Day lol. Silly corny I don't care, you have no idea how much this means to me to have some help finally. To be able to not be in the dark about where my little girl has gone and what is going on in that noggin of hers. Maybe life can get back to some normalcy (yeah right who am I kidding it was never normal to begin with). I think I just might start a countdown ticker or would that be in bad taste? LOL I am truly excited you just have no idea but I'm also anxious to get it done and find out what's going on. Ahhh all these emotions all at once. I am going to need to see someone if this keeps happening.

Polls, let me know what you think, me being nosy what else is new!

So I'm doing something a little different now, I've added a poll and will do a new one every week or maybe sooner, depends on how often people vote. If you have any suggestions you can send them to me and I'll put them up. I think it's fun to see what people like or don't like or what their thoughts are and it's anonymous too. So go vote, I started off with something easy and common and yummy this week. If you think it's stupid please tell me. If you think it's ok tell me, and if you like it tell me. And please go and place your vote :) I'm nosy and curious as always lol

Secrets

We all have them, some small some big. I have become over the year or so, when I first came across PostSecret, obsessed with secrets. Beyond obsessed. I love hearing people's secrets, it's amazing the kinds of secrets that people have. Some I have had myself in the past and to see that someone else has it or has had it makes you feel somewhat normal that you yourself had it and it's not so odd to have that secret. I frequent PostSecret and another site textsecret all the time. PostSecret even has a Myspace and Facebook page so I get extra secrets there too. I have put my number on both so that people can text me their secrets and I have gotten secrets and told them mine. I have met a couple of people through it and we still keep in touch through texting which is pretty neat. I've recently received a text from someone in London which was really cool that they would text someone so far away to tell them their secret.

It's very liberating to tell a stranger a secret that you don't feel you could tell anyone else, so even if you don't want to put your number on one of the places, you can always choose someone and send out your secret. I do encourage you to tell someone b/c it does help. And go read some of the secrets out there, they will change you and some will tug at your heart. Frank Warren is awesome for coming up with this idea and putting it out there for everyone to see and be a part of.