Cloudy!

My head is cloudy today. A conversation or I should say conversations took place last night and my emotions and thoughts were all over the place. So now my head is cloudy, I'm not sure what is up and what is down. I hate when things happen and you can't take them back and you can't fix them and you can't change them and people get hurt and people are forever changed b/c of something. It's not fair to them it's not fair to you it's not fair period. Sometimes I wish I didn't let my emotions get the best of me but I do. I have yet to learn how to control them, to keep them from getting away. I think that is my biggest fault by far. That and I care too much about others, yes I think there is such a thing. Oh and over thinking is the other that is right up there with it. So two things that can get me into trouble and have gotten me into trouble or into places that I didn't want to be. I wish I could be like some people and control what I feel but I can't, not as much as I would like. I feel too deeply even for friends.

My friends online, even though I haven't met them or most of them, we have formed a friendship and I would be very upset to lose them. Some I have lost and it hurts, b/c when you're online, it's all about putting yourself out there, especially when you are completely and totally honest with them. It makes you vulnerable, raw, easy to get hurt by small things and even more so by big things. There are a few people that I have opened myself up to and some I wish I hadn't b/c I have been hurt. But that's life, I can't live life thinking every person I open up to is going to hurt me. That's just stupid. So anyways, today I am cloudy and in my own little world I guess you can say. My mind is over thinking and my emotions are over feeling. So anyways that's me, in a nutshell for today. Forecast I hope is clearer for tomorrow.

E Day Feb 19

Feb 19 was just scheduled for me to take L to get evaluated. We will then find out what's going on with her and why she has been the way she has. To see if my gut feeling is right (which I soo hope it's not, this is the one time I want to be wrong about my parenting intuition) or to see if I'm completely off. Either way we will finally find out what's going on. Just having the appointment is such a weight lifted off of me. I have a few friends who can understand that feeling and wow, it's amazing how much lighter you feel but at the same time I'm feeling all the emotions that I've suppressed for so long with this whole thing. The thoughts in my mind are going rampant and wow it's like a flood gate has been opened. So anyways, we will finally get to have something done or get somewhere other than where we are now.

So I am going to call Feb 19 E Day for Evaluation Day lol. Silly corny I don't care, you have no idea how much this means to me to have some help finally. To be able to not be in the dark about where my little girl has gone and what is going on in that noggin of hers. Maybe life can get back to some normalcy (yeah right who am I kidding it was never normal to begin with). I think I just might start a countdown ticker or would that be in bad taste? LOL I am truly excited you just have no idea but I'm also anxious to get it done and find out what's going on. Ahhh all these emotions all at once. I am going to need to see someone if this keeps happening.

A word that can heal!

SORRY!!

That one word in my opinion has soo much power. It can do a lot of good. It can heal someones heart,feelings, state of mind. It's not the cure all but it does do a lot of good for someone. It's also a word that is used very flippantly. I am guilty of this, I apologize for soo much that I sometimes wonder if I use it with someone are they going to take it the way that I mean it. We teach our kids at a young age to say sorry, we use it when we bump into someone to appease them (which just goes to show that it does work even for minor things). We use it when someone is down and we want to convey to them that we are sorry for what they are going through. It's got many meanings and many uses but I have found that no matter what, when it's needed most it is the word that works the best.

No matter what it is, sometimes it's the only word that ever needs to be spoken, the only word someone needs to hear. No explanation and no drawn out speech. Just SORRY or I'm Sorry or some form of it. It's amazing how such a simple word that we use day in and day out can heal a broken heart, hurt feelings, hurt ego, hurt relationships. How many times in our marriages or other relationships do we have a hard time saying it? We want theo ther person to say it before us, it's not our fault, it's not up to us, but sometimes it is up to us, sometimes it's up to us to take that first step. Even if it's later on, someone needs to step up and say it, otherwise the healing can't begin.

Other than using it like I casually do sometimes I have had to use it many times with people and it has helped me recently and in the past to heal. Some it took a while to hear it from someone, and some I got it right away.Some I would love to hear it b/c I know that it will help. As long as it's meant and not just said to say. Even if someone doesn't fully know why or remember why they are saying sorry, sometimes it still helps. So yeah that's my whole thought on the word and the meaning. So if you feel like you need to tell someone sorry for something that you did to them, I say go and say it, it might just be the thing that they need to hear at that time.

When was the last time you had to say you're sorry? The last time someone said it to you? Did it help at all or was it just words out of their mouth?