Being a Parent and making decisions

It sucks sometimes. It sucks having to make decisions on things that you aren't sure about. Like last night, I was trying to figure out if I should take Loralei to the ER or not b/c her cough just doesn't want to go away and it seems to be getting worse. So I took her stripped both of us down and turned the water to as hot as we both could stand (more as hot as she can stand) and sat in the tub with the shower to create steam. I do this for me with my sinus issues. Well it worked, poor thing was soo exhausted. She had been trying to go to sleep and just couldnt' b/c everytime she laid down she started coughing, she fell asleep sitting up against me. She was soo peaceful looking. But then I started losing feeling in my arm and couldn't stand to be in there anymore so I knocked on the wall for K to help me and he was out, THANKS HONEY!!!! So I ended up having her wake up b/c there is no way I could lift her out of the tub anymore. So she went to bed, sleeping in my bed up against all of my pillows and she has been sleeping since. I could probably go to bed but I don't want to wake her up.

I will however need to get some sleep since I'm taking her to the Dr today. I need to get this taken care of. Treatments aren't working and she can't keep going on like this. It's been over a week and nothing is working. She has never had an issue with her asthma like this before and it worries me, maybe it's not her asthma (I'm praying it's not) and it's something else, but she says her chest feels tight and then when she lays down she starts coughing, I think it is. So if you pray, please lift Loralei up in prayer today and that it's nothing serious and just something that we can change or do differently or meds can help. I should be thankful b/c she's basically been asthmatic since she was born and this is the worst we've had besides last year when we got into the car accident and she almost had croup, but that cleared up in 3 days. I hate going to the Drs it just sucks. Being a parent is hard. Making the decisions for someone else is not always fun. Sometimes I wish I had a magic 8 ball that could just tell me what to do and I wouldn't have to second guess myself or my decision. I do have a magic 8 ball and I listened to Him last night that's why she is now sleeping in my bed and we're not at the ER. Ok I think I might try to snuggle up to her without interrupting her sleep.

Christmas

So we are less than 24 hours away from Christmas officially being here and I'm actually excited. Sad that it has taken me so long to get excited for Christmas but I am and that's all that matters. Sad b/c I allowed all the stuff that shouldn't get to me to cloud why I really celebrate Christmas, what Christmas means to me, why it's not just a day of presents and food and family. For me it's the celebration, the birthday of my Savior, my Lord, Jesus. A little over 2000 years ago He was born in a manger and died 33 years later for me. I am sad with myself that I let the hoopla that has been created in today's society cloud and affect how I should have been feeling all along. Happy and in awe, rejoicing His birth, content in all that He has done for me and those around me.

I got soo caught up in the wordly aspect of it all, the shopping (or lack there of for me) for presents for people, the whole we have to do this and do that, all the issues that come with Christmas year after year. I got to help people out this year. Our church among about 21 other churches got together and did this thing called Feed the Bay. It was really neat. After church (and sitting through one of the shortest sermons I've ever sat through in my life, no lie it was like 10 mins max lol) people from the churches went shopping for food, not for ourselves or our families but for others. We were given a list of foods that food pantries need and so we went and shopped for them then gave them to the drop off places right there at the store. The two major chains here Publix and Sweetbay (Sweetbay rocked b/c they gave 5% of the what was bought back to Feed the Bay) were who sponsored it. Then my Lifegroup went to a Food Pantry and we helped stock the shelves. There was soo much food (in total we all collected about 270,000lbs of food) but yet it was going to be no where near enough to last them very long. Yet it felt good to help out, even that tiny bit that I did. Then we just gave money to help build wells in other countries where they don't have running water or even anything close to clean water to Water for Life . It was just money to us but it was more than that, it was us giving what we would have used for presents to help others giving something that would only make others temporarily happy to those that will affect their lives forever.

My Lifegroup adopted this family who have 4 kids, the mother is on disability and the father had to stop working to help take care of her and the kids (the kids are 10, 4,3,and 2). So they didn't know how they were going to give them a Christmas this year esp with how the economy has been. I took the 10 year old as I have a 10 year old sister as some of you know and she likes all the things that this 10 year old liked plus Loralei likes it too so it was easy for me. So here's the funny/cool part. I was emailing my Lifegroup leader to tell them we would take the 10 year old. I didn't even pay attention to the name just the age and Loralei was talking and was like oh Destiny (my sister) is 10 too, that's cool mommy. Then I look down at my phone (which is where I was emailing from) and saw the name of the little girl. Her name is also Destiny. So anyways I just thought that was kind of cool and neat and would share :) So I hope they have a Merry Christmas and we know that the parents are very thankful for the gifts for the kids as they repeatedly tell our Lifegroup leader.

So it felt good to help those people and put things back into perspective of what this holiday is all about. Giving and helping and loving and just being with those that you love and care for and remembering what the day is all about to me and many others, the birth of Jesus Christ. Not presents, not food, not having a good ol time. There is nothing wrong with any of that, but that's not what Christmas is about, not to me anyways. It's remembering that Christ was born for us so that He could die 33 years later so that we could one day go to Heaven when we die if we choose to accept Him as our Savior and ask for forgiveness of our sins. His Love for us!

We also scaled back on what we are getting/got Loralei for Christmas. We are not going overboard anymore. This child has more toys and clothes and books and whatever else you can think of than she knows what to do with them. So we just got her a few things and that's it. Nothing huge or special. We didn't get a tree this year b/c of her behavior and her not listening, now before someone gasps and goes OMG how could you not get a tree, she has a tree that is like 2 feet that we are going to use, it's not like she has some huge presents she is getting from us so it doesn't matter. It was actually nice to not have to worry about a tree this year. Though possibly it would have helped me get in the Christmas mood but who knows lol

So Christmas is almost here and I'm excited. Can't wait to see how she reacts to her presents we got her and to celebrate the birth of my Savior. Oh and to have good yummy food too doesn't hurt :) Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!! Love all of you and wish I could be with you all on Christmas, we could have some fun! God Bless everyone!

Food Porn

Ok so my friends and I talk about food ALL the time, we are probably obsessed with food. We even share food porn with each other. Man our mouths are sometimes watering soo bad it's not even funny. Food is just awesome. How could you not like food?? Imagine your favorite food. You see it right? Now look at it and think about how good it makes you feel, and you notice there is no one else around, just you and your favorite food, nothing else matters at this point and time. It's just soo delicious looking your mouth starts to water, then you start remembering what it tastes like, how it feels in your mouth, how you want to just eat it all at once but take it slowly as well, you want to savor it and enjoy it as much as you can. The smell, the smell is just intoxicating and alluring and you can't help yourself but to smile and moan a little (come on admit it, when you eat it you do that little grunting moan). It tastes soo good going down, you keep enjoying yourself over and over till its gone. Then that's when it hits ya, you're dreaming, your drooling over a dream. Ok so wipe your mouth and go get it, your favorite food and enjoy it b/c that's what food is for, to enjoy and embrace and have a good time with. It's the only thing you can selfishly get away with doing and no one can say anything.


So do it, you know you want to. Oh and as for the Food Porn, go look up some awesome pictures, but share them here or with me and I'll put them up on another blog for everyone to see. I want to see some Food Porn, how about you? The best picture gets a gift, not sure what yet, but I'll figure something out. So get others that you know to find pictures but don't tell them what it's for lol that way you'll win. Can't wait to see what you guys send me. send it to chefshannon06@yahoo.com

No Worries!

Ok so it has been brought to my attention by a loving friend she knows who she is and I thank her for her concern, she's awesome. Anyways, in case anyone was concerened about my last two blogs I'm just down right now. I have a lot on my mind. That's why I started this, to get stuff out and it's helping to some degree. Anyways, I'm fine, I'm not depressed, I'm in a depressed state which for me are two different things. I'm just down in the dumps and I'm trying to get out. Writing helps me do that. I am happy, I'm loving life, just hating some things in it right now or not feeling like wanting to like some things in it. So if you were wondering, there's you're answer for those who didn't want to ask. And for that one, Love ya, you're awesome, did I mention that already? lol I love you guys and thanks if you were worried/wondering about me. I appreciate it.

Christmas Spirit!!

Ok so I woke up this morning and realized something. I'm soo not in the Christmas mindset. I don't know why. I have a few theories but not too sure. Usually I'm all about Christmas right after Thanksgiving. Don't get me wrong I am soo wanting Christmas to come, I want to celebrate what it means to me which is the celebration of the birth of my Savior Jesus Christ, but I just can't seem to get that "holiday cheer". I have bought one present, count them 1 present and that was just something I picked up and didn't put much thought into. I want to decorate but at the same time I'm like eh it's not that big of a deal. THAT is soo not like me. I want my holiday cheer, not having it is depressing me. I DON"T want to be depressed, NO I will not let it happen.

I think part of the reason is I have just had soo much stress and I'm not looking forward to the stress that is involved with the whole Christmas ordeal. I don't feel like shopping for Loralei b/c I think I feel deep down I just don't want to give her anything b/c of the year I've had with her. I know that sounds mean but when you get as tired and stressed out as I have with her you would probably feel the same way. Those of you that have talked with me during my times like that you soo know what I'm talking about. I want to get her some things, things that have meaning, things she needs but I just don't feel it. I'm not excited like I normally am. I'm not as excited to get our tree and pull out the deocrations and make my tree look beautiful. In all honesty I just want to go away for Christmas, just time for the 3 of us. To have time to ourselves. I feel like we're constantly doing stuff or Kenny is constantly working that we don't have time as a family. I just want a normal Christmas without stress. I want Christmas to feel like Christmas.

UGH with myself.

So I'm just going to ramble b/c I have so much going on in my head. I don't even know what to talk about. I don't have some story. I'm frustrated (mostly with myself), I'm annoyed, I'm vulnerable. I'm just UGH, oh and did I mention I'm going on like no sleep in the last oh 36+ hours. I couldn't get to sleep so I was talking to a friend (thanks for talking with me :o) ) and then I tried to lay down and go to sleep but couldn't b/c well I just couldn't, so I was texting with another friend. Then we went to Orlando to see if we could get Kenny some shoes, didn't get him any but I found a pair of jeans (YAY me, I have a hard time finding clothes). But before that we ate at Chevy's, it's not bad Mexican food, it's just different than what I usually get.

Then I was searching for sunglasses. With my face and needing the glasses to be really dark it's becoming almost impossible to find sunglasses that fit me. I have been looking for like a month now and esp need them b/c the ones I have now are broken. So yeah that's what we did tonight. But I'm annoyed b/c for the past 3 days I have been off on my days, somehow I have thought or felt or whatever you want to call it that I was a day ahead, Monday for some reason I kept feeling/thinking it was actually Tues, I even said to my friend Joy, hey want to sit together at First Wed tomorrow night and I realized b/c I had looked at something that it was only Monday. You would think it would end there and I would be fine, NOPE, yesterday same thing, for some reason I thought it was Wed which is quite odd since I would have been thinking I needed to go to First Wednesday but I didn't feel like that, so that brings me to today. We're in the mall, Loralei is on one of those coin operated kiddie rides that we all use to love when we were little but they were all lame compared to now, so anyways she was on that and it dawn on me that it was Wednesday today. OMG Seriously? It was 8pm when I realized what day it was and what we were missing. So we missed First Wednesday. I am not happy with myself that I did that, I hate when I'm soo off in my head about things.

I am just annoyed and frustrated with myself that I let things slip. It's not even b/c I was tired, b/c what would explain Monday and Tues?? I wasn't that tired then. I sometimes feel like my head is soo not attached to me. That saying if my head wasn't attached I'd lose it soo applies to me. I forget things all the time, where I put them where I got them, what I need to do with them. It sucks, life sucks with a brain like mine. Then it doesn't help to have a child who doesnt' want to listen. OMG someone I am going to string her up by her toes. I feel more than what a broken record probably feels like and then some. So anyways, there's my vent and frustration blog for today at least. I just hope the rest of my week goes better b/c if not well then IDK what I'm going to do. Oh and did I mention I'm NO where ready for Christams? I haven't bought anything, we haven't decorated yet (hopefully) this weekend. I haven't even begun my shopping, though it's only a few things I still don't know what to get people especially my daughter who has EVERYTHING.

So yeah that's what I'm daeling with. I have a few ideas for others but that's a different thing for a different day. I'm thinking with how tired I am right this second that I will read this tomorrow after I've slept and just laugh at myself. Is there such thing as sleep deprived blogging you know like drunk blogging or whatever? Man if you were with me in real life talking to me, I'm sure I would make no sense at all (ok so more so than normal lol). So with that I'm going to go. Hopefully head to bed and get some much much much needed sleep.