My Journey to make myself better!

I'm not really crazy (but then again that depends all on who you ask lol), but I feel like it. I went to the Dr today, I haven't seen a Dr in oh I don't know,2 years? Anyways, so I guess that stress in my life is seen on the outside more than I knew b/c she asked me about being stressed, does my face really show that I'm stressed? I know I have seen people, esp women who are stressed out and it totally shows in their face, they look like they've been put through hell and back, but I don't see that when I look in the mirror. Sure I have dark, well almost black under my eyes, they're not circles it's totally my whole under eye and my eye lids too. I don't sleep, but I haven't slept good for the last 14 years so that's nothing new. But I didn't think I showed stress outwardly until today. Going to a Dr you've never seen and have her ask you if you have a lot of stress in your life is kind of a wake up to how you are being perceived. Yes I have a lot of stress, I have a stressful family to start off with, then I have a child who is bipolar as well as a husband who is bipolar, money is really really tight, life is hard right now, but I thought outwardly I was handling it ok, inwardly, I know I wasn't, I feel soo insane inside but I'm use to it.

So she was talking to me and I was telling her somethings I wanted to deal with that I've put off. I'm going to get my hearing checked b/c not many of you know, but I have always had a hard time hearing. When I was like 20 or 21 I went to one of those hearing aid places and they told me then that I had the hearing of a 60 year old, that's not good. So I'm finally gonna see about getting my hearing checked, see what's going on there. We talked about my migraines and I asked her about the meds, turns out I can't take any of the migraine meds out there b/c i'm allergic to what's in them, so she gave me a strong script for Naproxen.

Then we talked more about me being stressed and she gave me a script for Zoloft. I've know people to be on it, the side effects are minor but the supposed outcome is a happier, calmer, less stressed me. What is that like? I don't know, I've only known stress my whole life. I am taking this step b/c I want to have a better quality of life, I want to be happy more than I am, I want to feel the weight from my shoulders and my chest lifted and be able to breath. For those who don't know what it's like, I am soo jealous of you. To not be worried 100% of the time you're awake and even dream about it, to have it control your life to the point of destroying you physically and mentally and emotionally. So we will see where it goes. She said it should help with the migraines as well, here's to hoping, b/c as much as I like soda, drinking it as much as I have had to, has sucked.

Oh and I finally bit the bullet and asked for some sleep meds, I'm taking Ambien. Let's see how it works with my insomnia. Hopefully it helps a lot and I Get some restful sleep, much much needed restful sleep. If i can get sleep then I can have energy to get up in the mornings and workout and then start on my way to getting where I want to be physically. :D I am going to go as I took half an Ambien before I started this and I'm feeling it, so it's working so far.