Dude Twilight and all that good stuff

So yeah DUDE, that's a word I picked up thanks to my wonderful friends that I talk to. Now, my daughter has been saying it, it's AWESOME lol HA yes I rub off on her, hey it's not a bad word so no one can complain. Oh yeah and K is starting to say it some too, he catches himself though lol I'm so evil. So I had to share that b/c I just find it funny and cool and just well neato lol.


So Twilight, well we went and saw it again (again for me, first for K and L) at the drive in (yes we still have them here) and I was shocked, K loved it, L loved it too but she was so tired she didn't see the ending that's ok b/c it comes out in 2 months and you better believe I will have it in my hands the day that it is released, no ifs ands or buts about it . Then I will proceed to come home and watch it with Loralei. I'm not crazy about it, but I do have to say, watching it a second time is a little bit better, kind of like rereading New Moon, except I skip half the book each time I read it (if you've read it you know why, if not READ THE WHOLE THING). Anyways so yeah he loved the movie and now wants to read the book. Some of you might be going yeah so, he wants to read a book b/c of a movie. Yeah well in the 9 years I've been with him, he has yet to read a book for pleasure, he reads, just not books. Esp not fiction books, not that he has anything against them, he just doesn't enjoy it like I do. However, he wants to read this so I'm soo stoked and can't wait.

Onto other stuff, I am now in the process of coughing my head off and attempting to lose a lung, yeah I don't think I need to lungs, people get by on one lung all the time right? So see no biggie lol. Yeah thanks to our lovely weather that wants to play havoc with my body, I am now coughing and congested in my upper chest and kind of stuffy. Thanks weather, thanks sinuses, thanks stupid body of mine. Oh well I'll live, I think. Oh and L's kind of doing better but not too much, she's still coughing like crazy oh and we should find out the results of the blood test (yeah I know I didn't blog about it, I will later lol) tomorrow.

Oh and though it's not still her birthday here in my time zone it is in hers so I have to send a shout out to my wonderful friend (probably my youngest friend lol :P) Lesslie Lamphere, love her to death, she is a great woman and mom and wife and she just adopted the cutest little puppy named Eve (pronounced Eva) and I just want to wish her a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! So if you want to say Happy Birthday even if it's belated, she's a follower of my blog, hers is Two Little Lampheres, go say hi even if you don't know her, she's soo worth it. Hope you had a great day Less!

Hmm I almost forgot one other thing. I got a new phone today YAY, an iPhone, I've wanted one for a while and hubby and I decided that we were sick of dealing with our other phones and the company we were with that we would just go ahead and get the iPhones and they are our presents to ourselves/each other for our 7th anniversary. Not bad if I do say so myself. Now I get to play with a new toy LOL I love new toys. Esp since it doesn't come with a manual, I have to figure out everything on my own. Hey it's like a mystery I have to solve, FUN! So anyways, that's it I think hmmm yeah I think so. Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Cloudy!

My head is cloudy today. A conversation or I should say conversations took place last night and my emotions and thoughts were all over the place. So now my head is cloudy, I'm not sure what is up and what is down. I hate when things happen and you can't take them back and you can't fix them and you can't change them and people get hurt and people are forever changed b/c of something. It's not fair to them it's not fair to you it's not fair period. Sometimes I wish I didn't let my emotions get the best of me but I do. I have yet to learn how to control them, to keep them from getting away. I think that is my biggest fault by far. That and I care too much about others, yes I think there is such a thing. Oh and over thinking is the other that is right up there with it. So two things that can get me into trouble and have gotten me into trouble or into places that I didn't want to be. I wish I could be like some people and control what I feel but I can't, not as much as I would like. I feel too deeply even for friends.

My friends online, even though I haven't met them or most of them, we have formed a friendship and I would be very upset to lose them. Some I have lost and it hurts, b/c when you're online, it's all about putting yourself out there, especially when you are completely and totally honest with them. It makes you vulnerable, raw, easy to get hurt by small things and even more so by big things. There are a few people that I have opened myself up to and some I wish I hadn't b/c I have been hurt. But that's life, I can't live life thinking every person I open up to is going to hurt me. That's just stupid. So anyways, today I am cloudy and in my own little world I guess you can say. My mind is over thinking and my emotions are over feeling. So anyways that's me, in a nutshell for today. Forecast I hope is clearer for tomorrow.

Valentines Day Poll

Next month is Valentines Day so I posted a Poll to see what you think are the best gifts to give or get. If you vote, could you put whether you voted as the receipt or the giver? I'm curious to see what everyone thinks is the best for getting and giving. You can do it anonymous if you want.

Cold and Florida Really?

Those are not usually two words that go together. Yes it does get cold here and people don't usually think it's cold, they do the sarcastic What 60 Degrees is cold? Hmm well last night it got way down below freezing, yep that's right, here in Tampa, it got below 32 degrees. Tell me that's not cold, especially for here in FL. I went out this morning when it was 25 degrees to grab my camera just so I could get pictures b/c there was ice on everyone's car. I know I know, that's nothing, but remember where I'm at? That's not something you see all the time. It sucks we got the freezing weather without the snow, how is that even fair? Anyways, it's suppose to get down to 30 tonight but I'm betting it gets colder than that. Oh and then yay for us, it shoots back up to warm and then I guranatee it will shoot back down and we'll be freezing again. This weather is just beyond wacky and freaky, it's annoying and needs to make up it's mind what season it wants to be in. It's nice though I will say to have a change from it being just plain ol hot and humid to cold and humid lol. So here's a pic I took, I tried to take more but um a certain little girl who shall remain nameless lol has been playing with my camera and ran my battery down so all I managed was one picture b/c it shut itself off.

9 Years and counting

9 years ago today, Kenny and I decided to date. I would have to say that it was one of the best days of my life. Not b/c of some great thing that happened that day but b/c it was the start of our life together, it was the beginning of our journey, a long hard,fun,sometimes easy, exciting journey. We have had so many ups and downs and gone through so much yet we're always there for each other. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone in my life this way. We have seen deaths, friendships come and go, heartache with each other, we have not had a perfect relationship but it's been perfect for us. God has blessed us with each other and I'm so thankful that he's my husband, my soulmate, my best friend lover, confident everything that I need and want and so much more. The one I get to spend the rest of my life with. We really were meant for each other. Our relationship is like none other that I have come across. We have changed a lot in the last 9 years but I think for the best. In about 2 weeks we will be celebrating our 7 year wedding anniversary. It's hard to think that for almost a decade I've been with one person and one person has been able to tolerate me and who I am lol.

I am not an easy person but he loves me despite that. He knew what he was getting into with me and still loved me. He has helped change me in so many ways that I needed to change, he's been there for me, he's listen to me moan and groan about things and been happy for me when I was happy about something even though he could care less (achem Twilight lol) He's been my rock and he's been my greatest support in my life in the last 9 years. I thank God for him everyday and can't wait tosee what the next 9,18, 30 years bring for us as a couple. So baby Happy 9 year anniversary of being together. I love you tons and could never love another like I love you.

E Day Feb 19

Feb 19 was just scheduled for me to take L to get evaluated. We will then find out what's going on with her and why she has been the way she has. To see if my gut feeling is right (which I soo hope it's not, this is the one time I want to be wrong about my parenting intuition) or to see if I'm completely off. Either way we will finally find out what's going on. Just having the appointment is such a weight lifted off of me. I have a few friends who can understand that feeling and wow, it's amazing how much lighter you feel but at the same time I'm feeling all the emotions that I've suppressed for so long with this whole thing. The thoughts in my mind are going rampant and wow it's like a flood gate has been opened. So anyways, we will finally get to have something done or get somewhere other than where we are now.

So I am going to call Feb 19 E Day for Evaluation Day lol. Silly corny I don't care, you have no idea how much this means to me to have some help finally. To be able to not be in the dark about where my little girl has gone and what is going on in that noggin of hers. Maybe life can get back to some normalcy (yeah right who am I kidding it was never normal to begin with). I think I just might start a countdown ticker or would that be in bad taste? LOL I am truly excited you just have no idea but I'm also anxious to get it done and find out what's going on. Ahhh all these emotions all at once. I am going to need to see someone if this keeps happening.

Polls, let me know what you think, me being nosy what else is new!

So I'm doing something a little different now, I've added a poll and will do a new one every week or maybe sooner, depends on how often people vote. If you have any suggestions you can send them to me and I'll put them up. I think it's fun to see what people like or don't like or what their thoughts are and it's anonymous too. So go vote, I started off with something easy and common and yummy this week. If you think it's stupid please tell me. If you think it's ok tell me, and if you like it tell me. And please go and place your vote :) I'm nosy and curious as always lol

Secrets

We all have them, some small some big. I have become over the year or so, when I first came across PostSecret, obsessed with secrets. Beyond obsessed. I love hearing people's secrets, it's amazing the kinds of secrets that people have. Some I have had myself in the past and to see that someone else has it or has had it makes you feel somewhat normal that you yourself had it and it's not so odd to have that secret. I frequent PostSecret and another site textsecret all the time. PostSecret even has a Myspace and Facebook page so I get extra secrets there too. I have put my number on both so that people can text me their secrets and I have gotten secrets and told them mine. I have met a couple of people through it and we still keep in touch through texting which is pretty neat. I've recently received a text from someone in London which was really cool that they would text someone so far away to tell them their secret.

It's very liberating to tell a stranger a secret that you don't feel you could tell anyone else, so even if you don't want to put your number on one of the places, you can always choose someone and send out your secret. I do encourage you to tell someone b/c it does help. And go read some of the secrets out there, they will change you and some will tug at your heart. Frank Warren is awesome for coming up with this idea and putting it out there for everyone to see and be a part of.

This week couldn't be over sooner! (yes I changed the name lol)

I'm soo dang glad this week is over. It didn't start off good and it isn't ending good. I am glad today is Sunday, hopefully nothing goes wrong today. I just want to crawl into a cave, a hole somewhere and hide. If this week is any indication of how my year is going to be then I'm done, the year is over for me, lock me up and throw away the key, ok I know melodramatic but seriously I"m over it all ready. Between the stress and the crying and the frustration and the hurting and just feeling every single feeling all at once I'm done. I didn't know a person was capable of feeling so much at one time. I felt like I was going to implode,explode whatever, I was going to do something and it wasn't going to be a pretty sight. So yeah Sunday, the last day of the week and I swear if anything happens I'm gonna scream. I really am. So if you hear someone screaming, know it's me and know that something happened. I just want good thing to happen today. I have an idea of what I want to happen but know it won't but I can always dream right? Someone out there can possibly make my dream true I'm sure, but you'll never know what it is lol If you can figure it out and do it then you are just freaking awesome and would make me one happy person


UPDATE!!!!
Today I would have to say is the best day out of the whole week. It wasn't stress free but it wasn't stressful either. So the end of my week is ok. Lets see how next week goes!!

Quiz/Survey!!!

This is something I found on my blog from MySpace from over a year ago. Put your name in the comments and I'll Edit this Post to answer for whoever puts their name down.

Okay, so just post your name and I'll take over from there following the steps below:

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song or movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle you in. (Don't ask... it was just in the list)
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.

A word that can heal!

SORRY!!

That one word in my opinion has soo much power. It can do a lot of good. It can heal someones heart,feelings, state of mind. It's not the cure all but it does do a lot of good for someone. It's also a word that is used very flippantly. I am guilty of this, I apologize for soo much that I sometimes wonder if I use it with someone are they going to take it the way that I mean it. We teach our kids at a young age to say sorry, we use it when we bump into someone to appease them (which just goes to show that it does work even for minor things). We use it when someone is down and we want to convey to them that we are sorry for what they are going through. It's got many meanings and many uses but I have found that no matter what, when it's needed most it is the word that works the best.

No matter what it is, sometimes it's the only word that ever needs to be spoken, the only word someone needs to hear. No explanation and no drawn out speech. Just SORRY or I'm Sorry or some form of it. It's amazing how such a simple word that we use day in and day out can heal a broken heart, hurt feelings, hurt ego, hurt relationships. How many times in our marriages or other relationships do we have a hard time saying it? We want theo ther person to say it before us, it's not our fault, it's not up to us, but sometimes it is up to us, sometimes it's up to us to take that first step. Even if it's later on, someone needs to step up and say it, otherwise the healing can't begin.

Other than using it like I casually do sometimes I have had to use it many times with people and it has helped me recently and in the past to heal. Some it took a while to hear it from someone, and some I got it right away.Some I would love to hear it b/c I know that it will help. As long as it's meant and not just said to say. Even if someone doesn't fully know why or remember why they are saying sorry, sometimes it still helps. So yeah that's my whole thought on the word and the meaning. So if you feel like you need to tell someone sorry for something that you did to them, I say go and say it, it might just be the thing that they need to hear at that time.

When was the last time you had to say you're sorry? The last time someone said it to you? Did it help at all or was it just words out of their mouth?

Update on L

So I took her to the Dr. they had me get her sinuses x rayed and they are clear. What does that mean? It means that she doesn't have a sinus infection. However he wants or the nurse wants to put her on a week of antibiotics (if any bacteria are still alive after this week I'm gonna be shocked) and for us to come back next week to see him. I'm so over going to Drs. It's annoying. So keep your fingers crossed or pray that this helps and her cough is gone. I'm tired of telling people what she is on and what she is doing and blah blah blah. So lets recap. We're going on week 4 of her having this darn cough. It's gotten better but not completely and with all that she has done, it should be gone. She's been doing her breathing treatments 4 times a day minimum. She's been on steroids and an antibiotic and now she has a cough syrup with codeine and she's gonna be on another antibiotic. Seriously that's alot of meds in 3 weeks time in my opinion. So I hope we can get it taken care of.

As for other news, some of you know that I believe without a shadow of a doubt that L is bipolar. Well I talked to her Dr and he gave me names of pediatric psychatrist that will work with kids her age. I'm so over hearing we wont' touch a child till they are 8. I can't wait 3 more years for her to get help. It's gotten bad. I haven't really told many of you but it's gotten really violent. Wed night after church was the worst. K has got the scars or I should say scratch to prove it. I've got the bruise from her biting me and luckily she's got nothing from her almost jumping out of my arms and hitting her head on the concrete sidewalk as I was carrying her out the door. She needs help, I can't do it anymore I'm done with trying. Its beyond any kind of behavioral modification. She needs some serious help. So I'm going to get that for her, if she's not bipolar then we'll find out what is going on at least. We will/should have an appointment in Feb b/c they aren't taking new patients till then. So keep your fingers crossed and pray for us to get in there as soon as possible.

So over this! They better do something!

So once again for the 3rd week in a row, I'm having to take Loralei back to the Dr. Let's see, we've been doing the breathing treatments and then steroids and then an antibiotic. I was told that if she wasn't better by Tues to bring her in. I'm so tired of my poor child having to deal with coughing non stop and losing sleep because of it. So I will be taking her to the Dr for the 3rd time. I hope and pray that they find something. I think today they will be doing a chest x ray.Ugh lets see what happens. One more week of lets try this and see and I'm gonna scream, we're going on a month in a couple days.

Losing Friends

I hate losing friends. Friends that you can open and honest with. Friends that mean a lot to you. I've recently lost a friend and it sucks. It feels like you've lost a part of you. I wish that I could work things out with this friend and that things could be better down the road but I know it will never happen. Things ended quickly and we didn't get to discuss anything. I have so many questions that will go unanswered but that's life. We all lose someone at one point or another. I've lost many friends over my lifetime. With how I grew up and moved all the time, I've lost many. Some have come back into my life some I doubt will ever come back into my life. Some I will miss dearly and not be able to keep promises I made to them (which I think they already knew what I was promising was true already and it is, just took me losing them to really realize it) , some I will not miss, some I hardly remember anything about them. But people come into our lives for a reason, to make us see things about ourselves or to make us see things about others in our lives. The person I lost made me see a lot about myself and made me open myself up more to who I am. I thank that person for the friendship and hope that life turns out ok, that things can be taken care of with time. I hope that they can more than anything. It's amazing how much love you can have for people and how much you can miss them. Life moves on, but you are forever changed. One day, I hope to be in contact with this friend after things smooth over but I doubt that will happen like I said. I love the friendships I've made over the years and even recently. I've gotten to know some wonderful people and wouldn't change anything (ok so maybe a few things that resulted in the end of the friendships) about any of them. They made me who I am as well as the rest of the people in my life.

UGH

Yes if you know me, you know I use that word a lot lol and THAT is how I am feeling right now. I feel like total and utter crap. Physically, emotionally and mentally (ok mentally well that's just not a new one lol) I hate days when I feel like this it just sucks. I hate feeling like crap. I feel lazy and uninspired to do anything and I want to be productive. I want to be well somewhat normal (b/c we all know I will NEVER be normal) and be able to just do things. I'm going to give myself some me time today. I decided I need me time. I've needed me time. So I'm going to do it, it's nothing special but it's time without a child. So I'm headed out. Fun here I come, well for me anyways, I love sitting in a bookstore reading and hanging out with good friends.