This week couldn't be over sooner! (yes I changed the name lol)

I'm soo dang glad this week is over. It didn't start off good and it isn't ending good. I am glad today is Sunday, hopefully nothing goes wrong today. I just want to crawl into a cave, a hole somewhere and hide. If this week is any indication of how my year is going to be then I'm done, the year is over for me, lock me up and throw away the key, ok I know melodramatic but seriously I"m over it all ready. Between the stress and the crying and the frustration and the hurting and just feeling every single feeling all at once I'm done. I didn't know a person was capable of feeling so much at one time. I felt like I was going to implode,explode whatever, I was going to do something and it wasn't going to be a pretty sight. So yeah Sunday, the last day of the week and I swear if anything happens I'm gonna scream. I really am. So if you hear someone screaming, know it's me and know that something happened. I just want good thing to happen today. I have an idea of what I want to happen but know it won't but I can always dream right? Someone out there can possibly make my dream true I'm sure, but you'll never know what it is lol If you can figure it out and do it then you are just freaking awesome and would make me one happy person


UPDATE!!!!
Today I would have to say is the best day out of the whole week. It wasn't stress free but it wasn't stressful either. So the end of my week is ok. Lets see how next week goes!!

Quiz/Survey!!!

This is something I found on my blog from MySpace from over a year ago. Put your name in the comments and I'll Edit this Post to answer for whoever puts their name down.

Okay, so just post your name and I'll take over from there following the steps below:

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song or movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle you in. (Don't ask... it was just in the list)
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.

A word that can heal!

SORRY!!

That one word in my opinion has soo much power. It can do a lot of good. It can heal someones heart,feelings, state of mind. It's not the cure all but it does do a lot of good for someone. It's also a word that is used very flippantly. I am guilty of this, I apologize for soo much that I sometimes wonder if I use it with someone are they going to take it the way that I mean it. We teach our kids at a young age to say sorry, we use it when we bump into someone to appease them (which just goes to show that it does work even for minor things). We use it when someone is down and we want to convey to them that we are sorry for what they are going through. It's got many meanings and many uses but I have found that no matter what, when it's needed most it is the word that works the best.

No matter what it is, sometimes it's the only word that ever needs to be spoken, the only word someone needs to hear. No explanation and no drawn out speech. Just SORRY or I'm Sorry or some form of it. It's amazing how such a simple word that we use day in and day out can heal a broken heart, hurt feelings, hurt ego, hurt relationships. How many times in our marriages or other relationships do we have a hard time saying it? We want theo ther person to say it before us, it's not our fault, it's not up to us, but sometimes it is up to us, sometimes it's up to us to take that first step. Even if it's later on, someone needs to step up and say it, otherwise the healing can't begin.

Other than using it like I casually do sometimes I have had to use it many times with people and it has helped me recently and in the past to heal. Some it took a while to hear it from someone, and some I got it right away.Some I would love to hear it b/c I know that it will help. As long as it's meant and not just said to say. Even if someone doesn't fully know why or remember why they are saying sorry, sometimes it still helps. So yeah that's my whole thought on the word and the meaning. So if you feel like you need to tell someone sorry for something that you did to them, I say go and say it, it might just be the thing that they need to hear at that time.

When was the last time you had to say you're sorry? The last time someone said it to you? Did it help at all or was it just words out of their mouth?

Update on L

So I took her to the Dr. they had me get her sinuses x rayed and they are clear. What does that mean? It means that she doesn't have a sinus infection. However he wants or the nurse wants to put her on a week of antibiotics (if any bacteria are still alive after this week I'm gonna be shocked) and for us to come back next week to see him. I'm so over going to Drs. It's annoying. So keep your fingers crossed or pray that this helps and her cough is gone. I'm tired of telling people what she is on and what she is doing and blah blah blah. So lets recap. We're going on week 4 of her having this darn cough. It's gotten better but not completely and with all that she has done, it should be gone. She's been doing her breathing treatments 4 times a day minimum. She's been on steroids and an antibiotic and now she has a cough syrup with codeine and she's gonna be on another antibiotic. Seriously that's alot of meds in 3 weeks time in my opinion. So I hope we can get it taken care of.

As for other news, some of you know that I believe without a shadow of a doubt that L is bipolar. Well I talked to her Dr and he gave me names of pediatric psychatrist that will work with kids her age. I'm so over hearing we wont' touch a child till they are 8. I can't wait 3 more years for her to get help. It's gotten bad. I haven't really told many of you but it's gotten really violent. Wed night after church was the worst. K has got the scars or I should say scratch to prove it. I've got the bruise from her biting me and luckily she's got nothing from her almost jumping out of my arms and hitting her head on the concrete sidewalk as I was carrying her out the door. She needs help, I can't do it anymore I'm done with trying. Its beyond any kind of behavioral modification. She needs some serious help. So I'm going to get that for her, if she's not bipolar then we'll find out what is going on at least. We will/should have an appointment in Feb b/c they aren't taking new patients till then. So keep your fingers crossed and pray for us to get in there as soon as possible.

So over this! They better do something!

So once again for the 3rd week in a row, I'm having to take Loralei back to the Dr. Let's see, we've been doing the breathing treatments and then steroids and then an antibiotic. I was told that if she wasn't better by Tues to bring her in. I'm so tired of my poor child having to deal with coughing non stop and losing sleep because of it. So I will be taking her to the Dr for the 3rd time. I hope and pray that they find something. I think today they will be doing a chest x ray.Ugh lets see what happens. One more week of lets try this and see and I'm gonna scream, we're going on a month in a couple days.

Losing Friends

I hate losing friends. Friends that you can open and honest with. Friends that mean a lot to you. I've recently lost a friend and it sucks. It feels like you've lost a part of you. I wish that I could work things out with this friend and that things could be better down the road but I know it will never happen. Things ended quickly and we didn't get to discuss anything. I have so many questions that will go unanswered but that's life. We all lose someone at one point or another. I've lost many friends over my lifetime. With how I grew up and moved all the time, I've lost many. Some have come back into my life some I doubt will ever come back into my life. Some I will miss dearly and not be able to keep promises I made to them (which I think they already knew what I was promising was true already and it is, just took me losing them to really realize it) , some I will not miss, some I hardly remember anything about them. But people come into our lives for a reason, to make us see things about ourselves or to make us see things about others in our lives. The person I lost made me see a lot about myself and made me open myself up more to who I am. I thank that person for the friendship and hope that life turns out ok, that things can be taken care of with time. I hope that they can more than anything. It's amazing how much love you can have for people and how much you can miss them. Life moves on, but you are forever changed. One day, I hope to be in contact with this friend after things smooth over but I doubt that will happen like I said. I love the friendships I've made over the years and even recently. I've gotten to know some wonderful people and wouldn't change anything (ok so maybe a few things that resulted in the end of the friendships) about any of them. They made me who I am as well as the rest of the people in my life.

UGH

Yes if you know me, you know I use that word a lot lol and THAT is how I am feeling right now. I feel like total and utter crap. Physically, emotionally and mentally (ok mentally well that's just not a new one lol) I hate days when I feel like this it just sucks. I hate feeling like crap. I feel lazy and uninspired to do anything and I want to be productive. I want to be well somewhat normal (b/c we all know I will NEVER be normal) and be able to just do things. I'm going to give myself some me time today. I decided I need me time. I've needed me time. So I'm going to do it, it's nothing special but it's time without a child. So I'm headed out. Fun here I come, well for me anyways, I love sitting in a bookstore reading and hanging out with good friends.